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March 14, 2013

I don’t want to be a fake writer. I don’t want to claim some radical Christian life I don’t have. I have so many struggles. I have lust struggles, I have major laziness struggles, I have love struggles. I want them all to be worked out but I go about it all wrong and my love for others and God is constantly empty and I have no power to overcome my problems without love. Even right now I have homework to do but I didn’t want to pass up writing this.

My greatest dream is that my friends and I would all be servants of Christ so humbled that we band together to spend our time constantly trying to bless strangers and our neighbors. I will never be able to be the radical Christian I so desire to be without a company of Christian brothers with the same desires and will to change things. I want to see the area I live in shaken because God is present. I have big dreams of what the gospel could do if only I and others were faithful to be servants of God above all. I don’t think all are meant to serve the same way as me but for the longest time now I’ve had this desire to wreck the peace of wherever I am with the gospel and shake people so that they can be awakened by God’s love for them. I think we can all focus on spreading the gospel to whoever we see wherever we are given that it is okay to talk and we are not being unfaithful in other things.

The bottom line is that if we are faithful in love then we shouldn’t be prioritizing serving others too much because everything will be in its proper place.

I have mentioned my dreams, I have vast dreams for how things could be…but I am so unfaithful in the littlest things. I need so much help and prayer. We all do. Without a community we are going to have so many more struggles. Paul had believers always pray for him. He always had people behind him in his service. We all need that. I know I need that especially because I get discouraged so so easily.

Having company when sharing the gospel makes it 100 times easier. Having friends passionate after the heart of God will make discouragement disappear. I have experienced that firsthand with my own roommates setting aside time for prayer a few nights in a row, being faithful in that was a major blessing always. I know that being constantly dedicated to service is the best thing and I personally think it is what we are made for. I think if we miss the servitude aspect of the Christian life then we have missed it completely.
But this post was meant to expose my weaknesses. Online I can be bold in who I want to be in what I truly think since I am not going to be there when whoever reads reacts to it so I don’t even think about that. In person I am the weakest feeblest guy ever. I am a guy who needs help and who needs desperately the power of the Holy Spirit to drive me forward in love. I hope this blog blesses someone!


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